Stand

Stand your ground when trials swirl;
Fear may plague and taunt, memories hunt and tears abound.
Giving in sounds sweet as you consider retreat
Even when surrounded by doubt, stand your ground.
Stand your ground though pain swells;
Defenses raise, eyes turned red, hearts fail from heaviness and dred.
Solace and safety you seek behind walls of concrete,
Though trembling and shaken, stand your ground.
Stand your ground when weary and worn;
Hopeless sounds truer than promises of victory and future joy.
Words of comfort and encouragement fail inside you
Though you feel battered and broken, stand your ground.
As you stand you realize your not alone;
the lies that crippled you begin to lose their grip and hope can be felt.
Strength surges and truth rings out Jesus loves you!
He's been suffering beside you and holding tight,
His love saves you and now comes the breakthrough!

Standfast therefore...

“Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe is condemned already, because he has not believed in the name of the only Son of God.”
‭‭John‬ ‭3:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34:18‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Lord I trust You, help me get through!

Negative Nelly Turns On The Light

Some would say I’m a negative nelly, and I would agree whole heartedly. I’d like to say it’s because I’m a realist because let’s be honest that just sounds better, but, it’s just because I was born with this super power that turns every thought towards the dark side. Some days just snapping out of a negative thought takes forever. It’s not encouraging or productive! Being a stay at home mom has enough challenges from dawn until dust and struggling with your thoughts on top of all that is enough to make me want to head for the hills. Alas, I find myself unable to move because of lack of motivation. A catch 22!

You can imagine my surprise when the Lord thought to bless me with these wonderful children and marvelously patient husband and a new house to boot. Really Lord? There are much more qualified women to raise all these kids and why hasn’t my husband realized the error of his ways and fled? Decorate and clean this house so it looks and feels like a home….hahahaha! Have you forgotten who You’re talking to? I’m the one without a stitch of perseverance. I can’t even finish a meal let alone complete a task that requires creativity and a bit of engineering such as making this house a home. And yet here I am smack dab in the middle of this God given assignment.

I always hated when certain people would say God won’t give you more than you can handle (insert eye roll emoji). My daughter has a thing for emoji’s…anyways. My whole life has been one big ‘I can’t handle this party’ after another! And I’m still here. I don’t think the statement is true, at least not for me. God has given me way more than I could handle time and time again. Maybe He wants to prove to me that He will always see me through whatever obstacles life throws my way. Maybe He wants to teach me to fully trust that He is my strength. Maybe He wants me to grow beyond what my limited mind says I can do. Or maybe He’s just trying to kill me (kidding). You must be careful these days with sarcasm, especially on social media (winky face emoji).

One thing is for sure I am blessed! I have the most amazing family anyone could ever ask for. Seriously I love my kids and my husband! We have fun together when I’m not barking orders at them. I don’t bark orders at my husband, because that doesn’t work ladies (sorry can’t help myself with the sarcasm). My kids are incredible, they’ve been through so much in their short little lives and still have compassion for others and love the imperfect mess of a mom they’ve been given. And my husband, the most loving, thoughtful, funny, forgiving, humble and sometimes sarcastic, man I’ve ever known. He truly is my best friend. And so, my house will eventually get put in order and my thoughts will eventually turn back to the light because when I sit down and think about it who cares if I’m not Martha Stewart or the Pioneer woman. If my kids and my husband love me apart from wife and mommy perfection than why should I let another negative thought bring me down?

Dear Jubilee

 Jubilee
 You had a very busy day today. Keegan had a wrestling tournament that went all day long. You did so well considering you were tired and hungry and surrounded by thunderous noise.  Daddy tried to cover your ears during the really loud parts. You know you really bring so much joy just by being you and being here with us.  Keegan lost two of the three matches he played today and he was pretty emotional but emotional for him just means he teared up a little and got very quiet.  I didn't know what to say to him but I tried and Charles tried but he wouldn't give more than one word responses or glossy eyed looks. But you got him to smile. It wasn't a profound word or even a comforting tone, it was just you being you and being there with him. Even though you are so little and won't remember I want you to know that you matter. Your life matters so much and you bring joy to your family!

The Best Gift

December 6th 2012

Dear diary, just kiddin'

I had the most wonderful night at my children's school. Angels Aware is my new favorite Christmas program! If you missed it I'll lone you the dvd, because you know I ordered a copy!
This past year has been the most excruciatingly painful emotional chaos I never wanted to experience! But that is right were our loving Lord placed us. I lost my best friend in January and my three young children lost their hero and daddy. Kenny Johnson was the most loving and devoted man. Everyone said he had the best smile and that he gave the best hugs. There just aren't enough words to describe how wonderful he was to me and his three children and all his family and friends. With all that said God numbered Kenny's days at 11,762. He was 32 years old when he died.
You can't, as hard as you may try, understand another person completely! We can however relate to people through similar experiences. People yearn to be understood and when we find those who can relate to us we tend to trust them more than others. I know I felt so misunderstood by everyone when Kenny died. I couldn't even understand myself and the plethora of emotions that clouded my every thought. The only person I truly felt comforted by was the one person who had suffered the loss of her husband in the same manner as mine. Misery indeed loves company!
That very same truth was sung out tonight by a choir of beautiful little children. God, the creator of everything, came down to His creation as a tiny baby. He lived through good times and bad, in sickness and in health. He experienced pains and joys, He knew love and he knew hate. He suffered through life because of His great love for us. He knew we would never feel like we could trust a God we couldn't relate to. His plan was to suffer through all the things we suffer through so that we could know He understands because we wouldn't believe it any other way!
I love that about our God! He is the only One who does understand you and me completely. How could he not, He formed us and knit us together.
He is truly amazing and I was so struck by the message in the children's Christmas program and the truths that they spoke and sang so freely. When the kids and I got home my youngest, Josiah, started to cry. He said, "Mom I forget dad and the duck, I don't want to forget them." Josiah is 4 and well, there isn't a whole lot I remember when I was 4. I don't know why that happens, God knows.
By the way the duck is a friend we discovered at a park one day who was not at all afraid of us and followed us everywhere including to the parking lot as we were getting ready to leave. I took a picture of the duck so the kids wouldn't forget him but Josiah remembered that I said we might forget him. there's a play on words for ya! Remembered that we would forget, anyways....
How strange that a 4 year old would even recognize that he was forgetting someone he loved. So we got out my laptop and looked at some old video's of them with their daddy. We looked at pictures and we looked at cards and letters and we laughed and we cried. Yes we did this all on a school night. Sometimes you just have to live in the moment.
But something wonderful happened. We saw how far the Lord had brought us, we pondered what Jesus suffered and we rejoiced for His unfailing love for us. That is an awesome thing to happen to a broken family in a dark and sinful world. There is nothing more important than seeking to know God more and discovering His love for us! There will be an end to this life and my children know that better than some adults now. We know life is but a vapor and that the truly important things in life aren't the things at all but the people and the relationships we nurture and grow. The most important thing is faith in His love, without that we are lost!
Lord thank You so much for what You have done. You have creatively and wonderfully worked out this miraculous plan to save us. We don't deserve You! You created us and we like children became arrogant in our thinking and decided to do things our own way instead of Yours. We messed things up over and over again and You still came and made a way for us to be forgiven and to be reunited to You. What a love story!

"...Death doth hide,

But not divide;

Thou art but on Christ's other side!

Thou art with Christ, and Christ with me;

In Christ united still are we."

Fudge Sickle Morning

Do you know what? I have found out a secret to why we don't always hear from God. Want to know what it is? Obedience! Yep that's it. So you have to hear my story because it's pretty cool how the Lord works.
This morning I got a phone call from the Dialysis unit. They said my dad never showed up for his appointment this morning. They said that his transportation had knocked on his door and there was no answer. They asked if I was the emergency contact and I said yes. Next they said we will give you one hour to check on him and get back to us or we are going to call the authorities to check on him.
5:40am: Called some people who live closer but realized I was the only one with a key. Got my shoes on and called for prayer. God answered said prayer and I make phone contact with my sleepy father. Ask dad if he would like a ride to his dialysis appointment. Love you dad have a nice day.
Back to reality: I start heading home and realize how blessed I am. Thankfulness is spilling all over the front seat of my car as I drive. I was so happy to see the beautiful sky and know that this is the day that the Lord has made. Praise be to God.
So I get home and about 10 minutes later I hear the pitter patter of little feet running for the stairs. I walked to the stairs to meet my messy haired, sleepy eyed little Josiah. I scoop him up in my arms and he asks me, "Mom can I have a fudge sickle?" "What? You can't have a fudge sickle for breakfast silly." "Please mommy Please I went to sleep and I woke up now, can I please have a fudge sickle?" He was so persuasive with his beautiful big eyes and that cute little 3 year old voice that I cracked. I know I know a fudge sickle for breakfast is ridiculous! But I was so thankful for my day already I thought what could be the harm if he had a fudge sickle just this once for breakfast. I will give him a bowl of marshmallow mateys also to add to that major sugar high and start this day off with a bang.
Well Josiah got his way. And wouldn't you know it my ever so persistent 3 year old didn't eat his breakfast. "Really? Your not going to eat this ever so healthy breakfast that you asked for?" "Are you serious right now, this is a once in a life time chance for you my friend. I'm not sure if you are aware of this but I don't think another opportunity like this is going to come along for...well, ever." Would you believe that I actually started arguing with him to eat his breakfast? When I realized how silly it was to argue with a 3 year old, (have you ever argued with a 3 year old?) Well that was the end of that.
So the moral of this story is; If you beg and plead to have your way, and then finally get it, you probably still wont appreciate it. Do you think this is how God sees things. Do you think He is mean because He wont let you have the life you desire? Take a good look at your life and ask yourself these questions. Am I grateful for the things the Lord has given me? Do I still want to have my way? Would I really be better off if I was God of my own life and could do things the way I wanted to? Am I really going to argue with the creator of the universe?
My advice to you is to be thankful for whatever the Lord has for you. Be thankful that you get to wake up every morning to see his beautiful creation. Be obedient to God and do the things He wants you to do. Because God is eternal. He will keep on waiting for you to get it, even if that means to the end of your life here on this planet. God has been waiting a long long time. He can out wait you.
Thank You Lord for my life. Thank You for being with my dad and for keeping him safe. Thank You for my children and for teaching me through them. I love how You work. God be with me today and help me to be obedient to Your plans for my life. In Jesus name Amen.

Angry About Pain

Well I absolutely love how the Lord uses my children to teach me of His Truths so I decided to blog about it.
A few months back I was sitting on my bed folding socks and praying. Pray with out ceasing right? Well I was talking to God about what it was that makes people choose to live a life of sin. I kept thinking about someone I love very much and how it was that they ended up where they are and, though we come from similar backgrounds, how did I avoid the same fate. I am not kidding you God had been working on answering my question starting the night before. He knows all things and knew I would be asking Him that very question and to demonstrate His omnipresence began answering my question before I asked it.
Well I better go back to the night before. My husband and I were leaving our home fellowship group and decided to make a quick stop at the store to pick up a few things. It was about 8pm on a Sunday night as we stood in line to buy our items. The kids were, of course, grabbing bubble gum and candy bars from the checkout stand asking, "please can I have this." I didn't feel like dealing with the whinny responses after I told them no, so I asked the kids to go over to the bench that was directly across from us and wait till we were done. They all abandoned their candies and ran to the bench to see who would get there first. I have two boys and a girl. Keegan is the oldest and is 8 years old and Josiah is the youngest at 3 years old. Holly, my 5 year old, has a hard time keeping up with her brothers so she was determined to win this race. I don't know how but she missed the bench and ran straight into the corner of the wall. Instantly she picked herself up and slowly walked back over to me at the checkout stand. She was covering her head with her hands and I figured that she would be fine. "Just a little bump," I thought, until the women behind us said, "Oh my, she's bleeding!"
We found ourselves at the emergency room that night, doctor's offices are never open when you need them. After a long, long, long wait, the doctor said Holly would be fine and didn't even need any stitches. We headed home and put the boys in bed and let Holly sleep with us. She had a killer headache and a wicked bump so of course we gave her some extra attention. Isn't it just like God when we are hurting to pour out some extra love and care for us?
We decided to keep Holly home from school the next day since we got in so late. She was playing in her room with Josiah as I sorted socks and asked God my question. I could hear them talking and Holly was being just plane old mean and bossy. "Holly, get in here!" I called and heard no movement and no response. I called again and this time Josiah said, "Holly mommy wants you." Obviously she heard me if her brother heard and obviously she knew she was in trouble or else she would have come when I called. After I persuaded her that not coming would be far worse she slowly walked into my room.
"Please tell me what you are thinking in that room of yours that is making you talk so rudely to your little brother."
"I don't know," she replied with her arms folded in front of her.
"Well listen little lady," I said firmly, "Just because you're hurt and getting extra attention doesn't give you the right to be mean and angry towards your little brother. He loves you and he was so concerned about you last night and even prayed for you, and this is how you treat him?"
As I heard those words come out of my mouth I heard God's answer to my question.
He said, "You see Alyscia, sin is apart of this life. When you get hurt in this world, and everyone does, you have a choice to make. To sin or not to sin. You can either accept that; as horrible as some pains are, pains happen, pain is just part of the fall of man, or you can get angry and bitter at those who haven't been hurt the way you've been hurt." I was floored that, for one, God answered my question so quickly, but that He had been working on the answer to my question before I asked it. Isn't He amazing!

Talk about a lesson learned. James 1:20 says, For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God (ESV). It's easier to be angry, at least for me, than to be vulnerable and weak. We want to be strong and independent but God wants us to depend on Him. He wants us to come to Him for our healing. He is more than willing if we humble ourselves and ask. I pray that bitterness and anger will fall away from your heart. I pray that you were moved by this little life lesson via my children the same way I was.
Father please help us to see when we are filling up our heart with bitterness instead of relying on You for our healing and our strength. God pain hurts but You are willing and able to heal all hurts. Thank You for the pain that You endured as You watched Your Son be crucified so that we might be reconciled to You through faith in Jesus Christ. God You are good, please use this blog for Your purpose and for Your glory in Jesus name amen.